Aquarians Are Taking Us For a Walk This Season
Where they lead, we will follow.
Your pet wants you to read our newsletter. (Then give them a treat.)
Strap your crystals to the WiFi router, sweetie; it’s Aquarius season. Aquarius is electric; it’s the proverbial lightbulb moment and dolphin consciousness (take notes for your dream role as an aquatic mammal, Jennifer Coolidge). This fixed air sign governs the transmission of ideas; Aquarians are our activists, anarchists, metaphysical magicians, stubborn ideologues, child prodigies, and absurdist Cheshire cats.
The lens of the Aquarius is zoomed out, cosmic in scale. Symbolized by the water bearer, who pours their vessel of wisdom into the collective soup, consider this sign as a representation for electricity-conducting currents. Ruled by both Saturn and Uranus, the rule maker and rule breaker of the zodiac, Aquarius presents as a contradictory enigma that expresses in dynamic and often groundbreaking ways. Aquarians are both group-oriented and impersonal; fiercely independent and preoccupied with the collective. What could be considered as paradoxical in this highly social sign is also the key to their genius.
Uranus is the lightning bolt Promethean urge to rebel, while Saturn is the strict paternalistic god at the boundaries and borders. At their intersection, we find our Aquarian change agents. Toni Morrison, the first female African American author to win the Nobel Prize, perfectly articulated the Aquarian assignment in an interview, stating, “I stood at the border and claimed it as central and let the rest of the world move over where I was.” Aquarians get there (wherever “there” might be) first — and haul the rest of us along with them.
Satirists, Trailblazers, and the Cat Internet
Aquarius rules the internet. And, since the dawn of cyberspace (or at least, the ’90s), cats do, too. In fact, cats, dogs, sloths, baby seals, and frankly any other animal under the sun, have long walked arm in arm with the internet, providing an oasis of joy, comedy, and calm in a desert of increasing online polarization, paywalls, pop-up windows, and misinformation. While we may have strayed from the initial objective, the early internet was created with a highly Aquarian techno-utopian vision in mind, one of egalitarianism; to give everyone a voice and equal access to information, and to liberate us from the confines of place and time.
Aquarians are natural satirists, serving political and social commentary with their selfies. They can’t help but look at the illogical systems that we take for granted and ask, “Why?” Consciously or not, this was flawlessly demonstrated by everyone’s favorite detached Aquarian, Paris Hilton, in The Simple Life, as she navigated the alien landscape of rural Arkansas with Nicole Richie and her pup, Tinkerbell, by her side.
Known for their ability to be just ahead of the cultural zeitgeist, we cannot speak of Hilton’s trendsetting reputation without recognizing the cultural significance of Tinkerbell, the archetypal celebrity “designer-dog” accessory purse pet. The socialite Chihuahua died of old age in 2015, but she will always be remembered as a trailblazing anthropomorphized Aquarian internet pet, model, and celebrity in her own right. These days, Hilton is rarely seen without a tiny canine companion.
Weirdos, Queerdos, Change Agents, and…Dolphins
Thrust together by ’60s New Age narratives and the rock musical Hair, dolphins and the Age of Aquarius are forever conjoined as cosmic companions in the collective imagination. Both share sonar-like perception skills, hyper intelligence, and a highly social, cooperative disposition. However, just as the dolphin’s smile is misinterpreted as a perpetual state of happiness, our Aquarian friends can also feel acute existential loneliness and otherness.
At one point or another, Aquarians will wrestle with the social ramifications of speaking their truth. Funnily enough, the coming out episode of Ellen DeGeneres’s ’90s sitcom is called “The Puppy Episode,” referencing the network’s suggestion that the character simply adopt a dog rather than come out as a lesbian. Of course, DeGeneres (and her fellow Aquarian wife, Portia De Rossi) have since demonstrated that one can both be queer and adopt many dogs.
Iconoclasts, Philanthropists, and Friends of the Non-Human World
As the saying goes, Aquarians love humanity; it’s just humans they can’t tolerate. From Charles Darwin’s deep love and appreciation for the natural world to Laura Dern’s sadness at the passing of her 12-year-old albino goldfish, our detached dissidents have often found solace in the non-human world of animals and tend to repay them with characteristic devotion to their causes. Iconic Aquarian activist Angela Davis has emphasized the interconnectedness of all forms of oppression — including speciesism — in her revolutionary philosophy, recognizing the rights and dignity of non-human animals as an inextricable component in her activism.
Fellow Aquarian Oprah Winfrey describes her canine companions as the “definition of unconditional love.” She currently shares her life with two Springer Spaniels and a Cocker Spaniel, all adopted from a Chicago animal shelter. Winfrey and DeGeneres are both outspoken advocates and supporters of animal charities, awareness campaigns, and conservation efforts. In fact, rarely will you find an Aquarian without a social conscience of some kind.
The Truth About Aquarian Pets
Aquarian beings are just smarter than us, OK? If you do leave them at home, consider providing them with interactive puzzles and playing music (interestingly, the music of Aquarian’s Bob Marley and Mozart have both been found to soothe stressed dogs). Verbal by nature, these pets can sustain a conversation or at least will appreciate being talked to in full sentences, not in a cutesy baby voice.
Because they are wired to the mainframe and lit up in the brain, Aquarian humans and animals alike need to look after their nervous systems. They may need a reminder to log off, touch grass, and eat a meal. Soothing activities, such as brushing and massage, can bring them back into their bodies, and practicing good sleep hygiene can be helpful for winding down at the end of the day.
Of all of us, it is the Aquarians who embody the tension between the future and the past: how to retain humanity as we merge with the machine. The wide and impersonal Aquarian lens is perhaps more necessary now than ever, watching over our collective evolution as we undergo this very technological revolution.
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Alea is an astrologer, DJ, and writer from New Zealand who is currently based in Portland, OR. Her music shows and interviews can be found on NTS Radio at Lucifer Over Los Angeles, and her writing is featured in Butch is Not a Dirty Word and The Spinoff among others.