30 Strange Signs My Cat is Happy
September is National Happy Cat Month. From puking on your least favorite shoes to biting you less (not zero, just less), here are all the ways to tell if your cat is actually happy.
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Cats can be notoriously hard to read. Is that tail wag good or bad? What about that piercing cry? How about that fish head they left on your pillow? From body language and behavior to cryptic meows and poems, we’re celebrating National Happy Cat Month with a list of all the very normal ways you’ll know — for sure — your cat is happy. Your cat is happy if they:
Wait to parkour off your spleen until the sun rises.
Puke on your least favorite shoes.
Re-pot your plants.
Cry at an oddly melodic frequency.
Let you hold them for just a few extra sweet seconds.
Tell you how their day has been when you ask.
Leave the couch alone — and claw the chair they know you’re throwing out.
Bite you less; not zero, but less.
Fall asleep on your side of the bed so soundly you do. not. dare. disturb. them.
Book a cruise.
Only knock the big coins off your dresser (so they’re easier to find).
Use the litter box as their personal zen garden.
Have an extra pep in their step as they run away from the doorbell.
Give you a five-second warning before they yak on your light-colored wool rug.
Sit on the counter to watch you cook and hold their tongue when you mix up the sugar and flour again.
Try a bold new haircut.
Shred your shoelaces as a way to say, “Buy the loafers, you deserve them!”
Make long, uninterrupted eye contact with you.
Have the appetite of a human teenage boy, eating everything in sight.
Are in the best physical shape of their life with washboard abs.
Won’t — and cannot — stop purring.
Greet you at the door when you come home and construct an impressive blockade so you can’t leave again.
Intuitively headbutt you in all your weakest areas.
Make so many biscuits they have to open a shop.
Save their most vibrant vomit for your most colorful rug.
Invest in their environment by starting a private art collection.
Take long luxurious baths.
Arrange their toys in a formation that kinda looks like “Play with me!” from a specific angle.
Tastefully show you their belly.
Fall asleep next to where they just threw up.
Nikki is a writer and comedian. Their writing has appeared on The New Yorker, McSweeney’s, Funny or Die, Reductress, the Google Assistant, and her folks’ fridge. They were named one of WhoHaha’s “35 LGBTQ Creators We Love” in 2018 and a Yes, And Laughter Lab finalist in 2019. They worked as a story producer on the YouTube Originals weekly music show, RELEASED, and wrote for the inaugural 2021 MTV Movie & TV Awards: Unscripted, hosted by Nikki Glaser. Nikki hosts the monthly-ish standup show Queer Tiger Beat, which has been recommended by The New York Times and featured in Time Out.