Aspiring Bodega Cat? Inquire Within.

Bodega cats are a staple of the New York City workforce, even if they’re “not” “exactly” “legal.” They monitor chip and toilet paper inventory, offer an interactive experience with customers, and keep unruly rodents (and dogs) in check. It’s nice work, if you can get it, so here are some job postings we “found.”

Wanted: Essential Worker

Must have an unflinching attitude. Sweet appearance but ability to turn at a moment’s notice. Regular duties include: greeting customers, chasing flies, ignoring customers, naps, finding the sunspot, putting dogs in their place, basic arithmetic.

Seeking On-Site Pest Control

An exciting opportunity for the right candidate. You’ll roam the aisles of the store looking for, apprehending, and ejecting intruders. Must be a team player and open to feedback.

Pss Pss Pss Pss Pss

Here, kitty kitty! Do you want a treat? Come here and I’ll give you all the treats you want. You live here now.

Position Available: Window

A self-starter, self-groomer, and sometimes a self-stopper. Open floor plan office but customize however you see/fit. Benefits include employer-matched 401K, discounted gym membership, and on-site café (eat whatever you catch).

Hiring Immediately!!! No Experience Needed!!!

Please apply if you have soft fur, a gritty tongue, and a hunger for a challenge. On-site training available in addition to ample leisure time. Set your own hours.

Looking for A Boss

Do you have what it takes to be a CEO (Cat Executive Officer)? Must be fluent in hiss, scratch, and sarcasm. Standard hours (24). Have adequate people skills, or don’t, it’s not that big of a deal.